Finding My Pride

(photo: http://kaenith.tumblr.com/)

Morrigan Harker

CW: Contains strong language, references to sex, and acephobic comments.

 

If I am broken,

It is not because of

Who I have always been.

My crown of

Amethyst,

Silver,

Diamond,

And obsidian

Ought to be seen,

No longer a

Queen in exile.

If I am broken,

It is from

Being a lioness

In a barbed cage

Without my Pride.

 

I grew up in a turbulent haze

Of ignorance and confusion;

Did I really

“Just need to find

The Right Person”,

When even my fan crushes

Didn’t get as much as

An erotic self-insert fan fiction

As an ode to their perfection?

Even Aragorn is

A travel companion,

A brother-in-arms,

A guide and mentor,

A kindred spirit—

That bond is nothing more,

But is it really “less”?

I don’t think so.

Sex does not need love.

Love does not need sex.

I just don’t have sex

With people I love;

That does not make

The love I feel

Any “less”,

And all I want now is pride.

 

Of course, in our world

Of late-night cable and twerking celebrities,

I am reminded

Every

Single

Fucking

Day

That I am the minority.

So I put up my hood

To hide my crown,

And ride out the microaggressions

Made in jest or ignorance,

A queen in exile

Learning what people say

When they think she’s not around.

I can’t blame people—

I didn’t even know

Asexuality existed

Until about four years ago—

But some days the pain

Of invalidation and misunderstanding

Festers to the surface.

People have committed murder

Locked in the binds of passion and lust,

And they have the audacity to imply

I’m the one that needs to be “fixed”?

As if I need

Yet another reason

To feel like an outsider!

I am not proud of feeling this way,

But is it really such an affront

To only want to have pride?

 

If there ever were a time

I could feel the rapture of passion,

It would be the moments

Fraught with magickal tension—

A pen making the first stroke on paper,

Electric fingers hovering over piano keys,

The charged breath before lifting a microphone—

A thrilling trance that

Robs me of my senses,

All awareness of space and time,

Even the memory to breathe—

If that is the passion

I am to have in this life,

Then I am more than satisfied.

If creativity and art were a religion,

Then I am a priestess

Eternally married to Inspiration,

Crowned in amethyst,

Silver,

Diamond,

Obsidian,

And my pride.

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